The reality is very clear – those who are capable, competent and likeable are the first to be promoted.  They are the men and women who have technical knowledge and expertise balanced with the appropriate people skills; the ability to have others willingly follow their lead.

Likeable is such a misunderstood word.  It is not being nice-nice or great at socializing or meeting the right people.  It doesn’t mean I can’t get frustrated or have a bad day.  Likeable means respectful treatment, honoring the dignity of others, not embarrassing them.  It means listening, taking time and giving credit.  It means avoiding the use of position power at almost all costs.  It requires vulnerability and the willingness to admit mistakes.  It means people are appreciative or happy when you walk into the room, not when you walk out of it.  I would like to work for that person….wouldn’t you?

The next group of “promote-ables” are those with technical expertise alone…and it is the promoting of these folks where the trouble begins.  Their two strengths are knowledge/expertise and position power…and it is the over-use of power that creates the problem.  I don’t think it is their intent to over-use position power.  It is the only way they know how to get others to act.  Respectful treatment and dignity are sacrificed to produce results and meet deadlines.  Producing results (so I can shine/be promoted), telling, being right and getting credit are primary drivers.  I don’t think I would like to work for this person….would you? I would be happy when they walked out of the room.

So here is the key:  make sure the word “likeable” is used by others to describe you.   Have you said these words: “that’s not what I meant.”  Those words signal that your intent and your impact do not align.  Trust and respect are now compromised, uncertainty and doubt emerge and your credibility suffers.  Intent and impact must align.  Listen, involve, ask, share, and appreciate those around you.

Effectiveness Institute offers training and professional development workshops and webinars in Seattle, WA.

When dealing with organizational change, it is important to consider change management, organizational management and employee morale.

Three issues are key:

1. A CONNECTION TO SOMETHING LARGER THAN SELF. Why would you change anything when what you are doing is working? The first and primary role of the manager is to continually educate and reinforce to his or her staff how what the team is doing is part of something larger. The world of finance is not a world unto itself. It is an integral part of a seamless organization. Finance works with operations, sales and systems support to make it all work.  If an individual is to collaboratively and successfully integrate change, first he or she must be committed to a larger team goal, a goal larger than one’s own function or responsibility

2. CREATING A SENSE OF URGENCY. Individuals change when they see or experience urgency. The question then becomes, “how do you create urgency?” Simply telling an individual that this is urgent will not achieve the desired response. I believe the answer to creating urgency is tied into two things: 1) the “why” is understood, and 2) the consequence of not making the change is clear. This cannot be a one way conversation. It must include dialogue where an individual can surface concerns and address the frustrations that the change will cause.

3. LEAVING THE COMFORT ZONE. The third issue in change is addressing the fear issue as the individual is asked to leave his or her comfort zone. In a competitive marketplace where quality is the norm and mistakes are not tolerated, individuals creatively work to stay in their comfort zone where their strengths are. If they do this, change will never happen. Managing the personal side of the professional relationship is critical to the success of any manager if they expect their people to risk and grow. Support, reassurance and guidance are key.

Change is not difficult. It is just as natural process as not changing. Individuals want to do good and they want to make a difference. They want to be part of something larger than themselves. If leaders and managers talk about and continuously clarify the organizational goals, that dialogue surfaces the why’s and the what’s for team members. As they pursue HOW to make it happen, the urgency created in the why/what discussions enable risking and leaving the comfort zone and change happens. By first understanding change management and organizational management, leaders are better equipped to prepare employees for change.

Tom, how are Behavior Styles not stereotyping?

Great question and one we should all be concerned about.  None of us need another label for ourselves to box ourselves into a certain way of thinking and acting.  A Behavior Style is simply a description of a pattern of behaviors.  It is how we “behave” and it can be observed easily by others.  Do I talk fast or talk slow?  Is my tendency to ask questions or is it to make statements?  Is my emphasis to get it done or is my emphasis on how things get done ?  If I can recognize a pattern in myself and in the behavior of others, I can increase my credibility by flexing my behavior to meet another person’s needs.  I did not change who I am.  I changed what I do – my Behavior Style.

A label has one upside and several downsides.  The upside (which we should use and quickly discard): it organizes information into a pattern so we can internalize and understand it.   The downsides: I feel judged and stereotyped.  I feel locked in.  A label says I am only one pattern and I cannot change it.  That is closer to the description of a personality…rarely are those changed by making a choice.  We emphatically believe that any of us can make the choice to change our pattern (Behavior Style) whenever we choose to in order to be appropriate in a given environment.  This would lead to a discussion of Emotional Intelligence – the ability to demonstrate the appropriate behavior at the appropriate time to meet the appropriate needs of the environment and the people in the environment in real time.

Behavior Style is a pattern, but I am not locked into it.  We can always make the choice to change our behavior.  It may not be a comfortable choice, but it is still a choice.

Learn about behavior styles and behavior patterns at training workshops in Seattle, WA.

One of the great things about advancing technology is that it helps us answer the WHY questions.  Without these answers, speculation that reinforces one’s beliefs abounds…whether the speculation is right or wrong isn’t the point – historically, a position of power or a person’s social class provided credibility.  Not anymore.

For the last three years, I have been impressed with the work of Dr. John Medina, (BrainRules, 2008) the brain researcher who gained worldwide credibility for his work and research in the field of neuroscience. Early on in our relationship, I would ask Dr. Medina questions and sometimes get a response of “I don’t know.”  The quizzical look on my face was answered with, “Oh, I can tell you the commonly held belief, but unless I can prove it in the lab, my answer is ‘I don’t know’.”  A scientist to the very core.

Proudly, we at Effectiveness Institute  have collaborated with Dr. Medina to produce a webinar highlighting the differences between male and female brains and the implications it has for organizations and leadership. Click here for a preview.  As you watch and listen, I wonder if the question in the opening quote is true: “Will you continue to believe what is not true or will you refuse to believe what is true?” Or, will you find new thinking that allows you to maximize the strengths of male and female brains, particularly in the world of business.  Enjoy the journey.

We all have patterns of behavior that are comfortable to us as we accomplish tasks and interact with people.  Each of us, through life experiences, has developed combinations of patterns that help us achieve our goals.  Doubt or uncertainty unintentionally develops when we experience a pattern that is different than our own or behaviors that we were not expecting to see.  The primal concern of safety is alerted and hesitancy appears.  The typical response is fight or flight – neither are productive. 

Team dynamics not only encourages, but embraces, those same differences…but in a positive fashion.  The theory of opposites provides a beginning point.  How would we appreciate sun light if there was no darkness; joy if there were no sadness; warmth if there were no cold?

But opposites alone do not create the synergy.  There must also be commonness or principles that bring us together so our differences have power.  The athletic example is easy:  how can you win if you have great offense and no defense.  Or a great defense but you can’t score…both are needed.  How can one be so results-oriented that people are destroyed?  Or so people-oriented that little is accomplished?  Both are needed…task accomplishment and respectful treatment of people.  The power of differences is the leverage point.  Differences combined with principles create the synergy that accomplishes the goal and drives the purpose…and that is what team dynamics is all about. 

Join Effectiveness Institute for a complimentary workshop, Leveraging Team Dynamics, on June 16, 2011, Seattle WA.  Featuring Senior Consultant and Partner, George Myers and Effectiveness Institute President, Tom Champoux.

Hopefully, each of us has had the opportunity to be part of a real team, where everything worked, everyone was at the top of his/her game, everything clicked…and marvelous results just happened.  Makes no difference if it was a work team, an athletic team or a social gathering – it is easy to remember the success of real synergy.  So why is it so tough to reproduce?

I think it is because team dynamics are infiltrated with ‘poison’.  And what do we call this poison?  Doubt.  So simple, so deadly…and most frequently, so unintended.  Doubt leads to uncertainty.  (I don’t know if I should…).  Uncertainty causes hesitation (I better not do anything until I find out…).  Hesitation leads to reduced trust (What is that about? Why are they hesitating?  I better be careful.)  And just like that, the synergy is gone.  The scary part: nobody knows why the synergy was lost but doubt, uncertainty, defending and protecting have planted healthy roots.

Doubt –> Uncertainty –>  Hesitation –> Reduced Trust

So what do we do to keep this from happening?  Clarity.  With clarity, doubt and uncertainty cannot get a foothold.  Clarity needs to start with the individual – what is my purpose?  Why do I want this goal?  What are my strengths?  What are my blindspots?  Do they change when I am under pressure?  Do I know these things about my teammates and do they know them about me?  Am I willing to ask tough questions to get to clarity without violating the dignity of others?   Am I willing to make the simple choice to demand clarity from myself and my teammates?

These questions lead to team dynamics and team dynamics are the key.  How powerful would the team be if everyone did what they said they would do; and they did it to the standard that was agreed to or above – or prepared for an immediate question from a teammate to gain clarity?  It is not about my boss or my teammates responsibility.  It is about me working to make sure clarity happens so that doubt and uncertainty are held at bay – synergy is a better option.  It is just not easy.

Meet President, Tom Champoux and Senior Partner, George Myers, at our complimentary workshop in Seattle, Leveraging Team Dynamics, on June 16, 2011.  Click here for more information.

There are two different scenarios:

In a time or crises or significant change, there is a clear, simple need that we want from our leaders. When leaders themselves are asked the question about what that is, most leaders miss the mark with their response…however their answers are predictable – direction, quick action, taking control, responding, decision making. It is my belief that this is what leaders do in crises or change, it is not what is most desired. What people want from their leaders is for them to be grounded…to be in balance…to know they are doing the aforementioned activities from a proactive place, not a reactive one. This exudes the confidence that all followers desire before they are willing and able to put their heart and soul into the actions that are being requested of them.

This begets the question of how does one become grounded? It is a lifetime work. The alignment of spoken values and day to day behaviors is key. We want to be confident in our leader. We want him/her to be connected to the center of the earth, to be credible. This credibility is directly tied to worthy values and demonstrated behavior. (Values are defined as closely held beliefs to which a person will commit their actions. If I say “fairness:” is a value and then do not act when I see unfair behavior, then “fairness” is not really a value. It is a desired behavior.) This alignment of values and behavior creates a confidence in the leader that acts a multiplier to their power. Energy is not wasted sorting anything out because the belief is that the leader is once again actively proactively.

The second reason that leadership is changing is that with the rise of technology and the information age, the leader has no choice but to surround themselves with people who know more than they do. It is virtually impossible to stay current in every aspect of doing business. If a leader is not grounded, how can they do that? (The only way is to micromanage…and thus chase away the very talent that is needed.) The traditional models of leadership suggest that the leader is primarily a problem solver and answer person. How can that be when the goal is to surround yourself with people who know more than you do. The role of leader has shifted to someone who is a learner and teacher. They must learn faster than everyone else and then teach what they know to everyone around them. This further demonstrates groundedness and reinforces confidence in the leader. Leadership Development and organizational leadership are foundational programs in management training.

Why does the farmer plow under a beautiful field of green? He has to prepare the soil for early Spring so planting and nurturing will yield a new, bountiful crop. I’m pretty sure last year’s crop wishes the farmer would not plow. But why would he do that only to watch the sure death of last year’s crop in the cold of winter and have no prepared soil for the Spring planting? Probably the same reason 85% of smokers don’t stop smoking when told of the impending consequences…it requires deep change. What are the crucibles in our lives that will transform us to something new and better but we are simply to afraid to engage? I think we need to explore this a little more.  I look forward to the dialogue as Effectiveness Institute has proven models in change management and leadership development.

“…It is always about frame of reference.  Through whose eyes are you looking?  If I only look through my eyes, my frame of reference, there is no question – “I’m right!” And that would be true since it is the only information I have.  It is also the surest way to be consumed by conflict…use only your own frame of reference and simply deny that anyone else’s frame of reference is valid …”

I want to expand my thoughts about the power of frame of reference and how it reveals character, depth and strength (and unconditional love in this case) by sharing a story about a father’s love in the face of the greatest tragedy – the loss of a child.

A few weeks ago a sad tragic accident took the life of an 11 year old girl here in the Northwest.  Her father’s response reveals the power of frame of reference. The choice made by John Tam, and the frame of reference he used when interviewed after the loss of his little girl, Grace, will not reduce the sadness nor eliminate the pain….but a different reality created by his choice will carry Grace Tam’s memory forward and allow her family to begin the arduous journey of life without her.

The Northwest is absolutely beautiful country with mountains, trees, high meadows and glorious vistas.  On July 31, 2010, John Tam and his family and friends hiked up into the mountains just a little North of Seattle to visit the ice caves that are formed from snow melt that runs down the mountain.  While standing in front of the caves for a group picture, a large chunk of ice “the size of a Volkswagen bus” broke loose above the party and rolled over Grace.  Fellow hikers (including three nurses), a ranger and rescue personnel worked vainly to save her.

I remember the sadness and grief I felt for the family when I heard about it on the evening news.  Then I read an article about the incident (see Seattle Times, Aug 4. “Dad mourns ‘Pride and Joy’) and I was struck by the inner strength and deep love in the frame of reference Mr. Tam took.  He easily could have taken the pathway of anger, blame or remorse.  He did not.  When talking about his daughter, he chose a higher pathway, a positive frame of reference:  “…She is our pride and joy, a most thoughtful child.  But we do not want to have a memorial service.  We want to celebrate her joyful moments and the happy life she had.”  Clearly a prayer or moment of silent support for the family of Grace Tam is in order.

Mr. Tam’s perspective, how he chose to frame this terrible loss, is absolutely inspiring and hopefully will bring the comforting gift of peace very quickly to his family.  From one father to another father…I am sorry for your loss.  Thank you for the role model of how to control your thinking in the face of undeniable sadness and may you begin the healing process warmed by the happy memories of Grace, your “Pride and Joy.”

So, what should we do?  It is simple, just not easy if we are already in the throes of confusion or despair. Go back to a situation where you do have control over what you do, how you react, how you feel.  Last night, my new 7 week old grand daughter – Julia Jane – came to visit grandpa.  As I held her in that moment, just being present and listening to her breathing and watching her move, a calmness returned.  The important thing was simply being connected and letting go of everything else except for that precise moment…and all was good.

Things happen for a reason.  We may not understand the reason or even think the reason is stupid, but there is a reason.  It is part of something larger than me and I am not in control.  I just have to connect, be totally present in the moment – and the calmness returns.

Then Gracen, Julia’s 3 yr old brother, proved the point again.  “Grandpa, let’s play hide-and-seek.”  Whether or not grandpa was tired had nothing to do with it.  “C’mon, grandpa, it is fun.”  The squeals of delight when he was found proved the point.

Where do you look for connection?  How do you rein in doubt so the real you can emerge and others can access your talents and insight? That corny saying is true you know: “The journey of a 1000 miles begins with the first step.”  Staying in control requires staying in balance. It is the 1^st step.  I will loan you a couple of my pictures so you can get started.

Click to Watch

Balancing task and people is one of the foundational training principles taught to individuals and organizations to improve professional relationships, workplace productivity and strengthen teams that work.

Remember when you were just a little person and you wanted to learn to ride a bike?  It sure looked easier than it turned out to be.  Whether it was training wheels, mom or dad running along beside you with a steadying hand or just sheer endurance, until you discovered “balance”, riding a bike had some pain and tears involved.  But once you got it, you got it.  Haven’t been on a bike in years, but can still ride one.

In the same manner, each of us has two sets of skills to master – getting the task done and effectively connecting with others without the use of power.  What good is it if I am technically or task brilliant, but I can’t get along with anybody?  On the other hand, how useful am I if I can get along with everybody, but I can’t do anything?  It is about balance.

In my 30+ years of teaching and coaching, I can tell you this – we have a shortage of folks who have the task/people balance…and the price tag is high when it is missing.   Of course we situationally need people who are out of balance – if my computer is not working, I want someone who can fix it. How friendly they are is not really important at the moment.   If I want someone to host a meeting and make sure it runs smoothly, feathers are not ruffled, and the agenda is accomplished, I am not sure I want the brilliant tech who can fix my computer but is deficient on intuitively connecting with people.

Balance.  It is so important.  We know that intellectually, but all too frequently we are willing to sacrifice one for the other.  How about the brilliant chef who creates exquisite dishes but no one will work with them in the back of the house because he/she treats people as if they were tools to be used? Because of their expertise that continually draws in customers, there is a hesitancy to hold him/her accountable for rude or demeaning behavior.

Three quick questions for you:

1. How balanced are you?
2. How do you know that?
3. What is your plan for increasing balance in your life?

The ability to balance task and people in the workplace is a foundational principle taught by Tom Champoux in all Effectiveness Institute management training programs.

Over the last half-century, we have successfully “learned” that not telling the truth is ok – as long as it is not a lie!  Interesting position to take since it is clear that any relationship, personal or professional, is based on telling the truth.  Ask anyone you know:  lies hurt, lies destroy, and lies make healthy relationships impossible.  So how did we come to accept not telling the truth?

Post WWII moved us from a collaborative to a competitive culture.  A collaborative culture demands truth, a competitive culture restricts it – as long as it is not a lie.  The philosopher, Tom Morris, in his book If Aristotle Ran General Motors, helps to clarify the distinction.  There are two kinds of lies: the overt lie (lie of commission) and the covert lie (lie of omission).  It is the 2nd lie (lie of omission) that a competitive culture has helped us rationalize into existence.  Can’t you just hear the conversation:  “Why didn’t you tell me about this?” “I didn’t tell you because it would make me look bad – but I DIDN’T LIE. The lie of omission hurts everyone because it eradicates trust, the basic building block for healthy relationships.  Without healthy relationships built on trust, the ability to risk, to be creative in the face of change is near impossible.   Competition (use information to your advantage, withhold if necessary) increases; collaboration (open access to all the variables that impact success) decreases.

So how do we get out of this predicament?  Same way we got in – gradually.  We have to ask questions that surface covert lies (Is there anything that you haven’t told me that I need to be prepared for? Are there any surprises that may arise that would negatively impact your credibility?)  It must begin with self.  We must tell the truth.  We must demand the same from others.  To be collaborative to achieve a successful solution demands the truth.  No omissions for “the lie swiftly ruins the liar” (Marcilio Ficino).  It begins simply – you and me embracing and telling each other the truth – no exceptions.   That may take developing new skills.

Trusting your co-workers, valuing integrity in the workplace and challenging the expected ‘norm’ in today’s business culture are all topics addressed by Tom Champoux and Effectiveness Institute workshops and consulting.

Whenever I am asked this question, I always ask, “Why do you think Controllers would make good leaders?” The answer invariably comes back …“because they make fast decisions, they are results oriented, they can be tough when they need to be, they are not afraid of conflict”…all great traits that any leader should have access to in my opinion. But my thought is that any person can do these things with the simple choice of “rotating the iceberg.” This is the very definition of emotional intelligence – the ability to demonstrate the appropriate behavior at the appropriate time to meet the appropriate needs of the environment and the people in the environment.

Controllers do have natural, intuitive access to these behaviors but that can be a huge blind spot as well. We teach that when under pressure the initial tendency is to overuse our greatest strengths. Under stress, Controllers will push through the task to such an extreme they may not bring people along. Stabilizers and Persuaders, on the other hand, will go to great lengths to bring the people along but task achievement may lag.

So, which Style makes the best leader? How about the person who can wear all four “hats” and demonstrate – both people and task wise – the needed behavior, in the moment, without losing stride. It is true that some behaviors are easier for a given Style, but effective leadership demands the use of all four Style strengths – generating, promoting, fulfilling and quality/perfection.

A shorter answer to this question of which Style makes the best leader goes like this: “I don’t know. What is the leader going to be doing? Focusing on the future and setting goals to get there – a Controller. Generating excitement about where we are going and the things we need to do to get us there – a Persuader. Building a collaborative team approach where each team member buys in – a Stabilizer. Bringing efficiencies to the status quo and creating an infra-structure that carries the mission forward – an Analyzer.”

Clearly then, a high level of emotional intelligence is a better prognosticator of successful leadership than an individual’s Behavior Style. A secondary consideration is Behavior Style – What leadership behaviors are needed at this time? High emotional intelligence combined with the appropriate Behavior Style makes for the best leader.

Behavior Style workshops are available and facilitated by Effectiveness Institute consultants in the greater Seattle area.

This is a tough situation to be in.  I always think the first thing to do when one feels compromised is to take a deep breath, center yourself – and then ask a question.  This is likely to ensure the tone and volume of your response are appropriate.  The goal is to have your question really be a question instead of statement hidden in a question,.  Below are two questions and then a suggestion:

Questions:

1. State your concern and ask for clarity in how the process aligns with values.  Something like:  “….I’m confused.  This process doesn’t align with our core values of respect and dignity.  Can I modify how is this to be carried out so we don’t compromise our company values?”  Then, listen carefully.  Ask further questions to gather information and clarify what is driving the decision.

1. If this does not get some wiggle room, then ask for flexibility.  “The WHAT is clear.  Do I have any flexibility in HOW I carry this out?”

If you are still troubled, buy some time and talk with trusted others internally and/or externally if appropriate.  This helps clarify whether what you are asked to do violates company values as well as your personal values.  Frequently, in the attempt to be logical and clear while dialoguing with others, we find answers about what we need to do.  A good, objective listener will help you “discover” your own answer.  The tough part is acting upon that answer.  Make a plus/minus graph to look at consequences to help isolate your choices.  Once you reach a decision, sleep on it, and then trust your decision and go for it.

Conflict is such an interesting concept. Most of us have little idea of how to enter into and successfully resolve the conflicts in our lives. It is not a wonder – there are few role models for us to emulate. The role models that do exist seem to suggest that increasing power or eliminating power (fight or flight) is the way to successfully engage with the conflict …at least it makes it go away. Unfortunately, neither of these tactics work as they are short term and the issue that caused the conflict does not get addressed.

Desired metaphor: Move toward the conflict and become one with it. Calm the conflict down inside yourself which allows the conflict to calm down inside the other person. Then, make a decision or take action where both people get to save face and win.

While this sounds very simplistic, it truly works (provided both parties are operating inside the range called “normal”). Let’s define some terms:

move toward the conflict… When there is an unmet expectation or a values violation (the source of the conflict), do not try to overpower or ignore…acknowledge by focusing attention and asking a question.

become one with it… Listen with empathy to discover and validate the other person’s perspective – this does not mean you agree with it or either of you is wrong. It means each of you understands the other’s frame of reference.

make a decision or take action… Maintaining the status quo does not address the conflict, so it does not go away. What are you willing to do to address your behavior or mindset so that the conflict does not stand in the way?

where both people get to save face and win… negotiate, compromise and find a solution – while it may not be the best – so both parties feel validated and “win” something. Conflict has now become a tool to gain the clarity that leads to the development of Trust and Respect.  Successful resolution of conflict is a responsibility that lies with both parties.  It is a training that needs to be required.  If skills are not learned, expect conflicts to be resolved by power or avoidance – a short-term focus that ultimately fails.

Personality Type and Behavior Styles are both important to consider in professional development and leadership skills development. There have actually been several big insights along the way. The more I work with this body of knowledge, the deeper the insights get for me personally…and sharing those learnings is what keeps me excited about the work we do here at the Institute.

Here are a handful of my insights from the 27 year journey with Behavior Styles:

1. Discovering for the first time that even though I am primarily one of the Styles, I am also the other 3 Styles AT ALL TIMES. This led to the belief in the importance of Choice.

2. Discovering that what the ancient Greeks said about being born with basic temperaments is absolutely modified by learning to survive in a given environment. This led to the belief that each of us struggles every minute, every day to be “in control.” There is a reason why we each do what we do.

3. Discovering how important it is to delineate between Behavior and Personality. Behavior is impacted by choice so I can change my behavior with choice. Personality is not changed through simple choice. This led to using the iceberg as a model to demonstrate how we can be all the Styles while showing only one that is hopefully appropriate in a given environment.

4. Learning that Behavior Style information is really about how we use energy – to initiate, to implement, to do tasks or to be with others. The Controller likes to initiate tasks, while the Stabilizer prefers to implement and work with others to get the task done. The Persuader likes to initiate others and get them excited while the Analyzer enjoys working alone to get the task done right. This helps break down labeling. Behavior Style information is about how we use our energy to interact with the world.

5. Learning that as I age (gracefully I hope), my preference for a given Style changes as well. I look for the best way to expend the least amount of energy to get done what I want to get done. I think this leads to a deeper level of empathy and greater appropriateness in a given environment. That is still a choice I want to make so that I can be in control…and when I stop doing that, I hope somebody is willing to take me out to the woodshed.

There is a difference between Behavior Styles and Personality Type. We offer professional development and leadership skills development workshops and training in Seattle, WA.

A few basic rules to line the playing field of success is all it takes.  Here are my four:

1. Everything new needs a little TLC…a crop, an idea, a puppy, a relationship, a team – new does not know how to protect itself. A little TLC provides the safety net for something vulnerable to learn and grow. I know you don’t have time, but neither do I. If nobody has time, uh-oh! I guess we do have time.

2. Water runs downhill…whatever happens; there is a reason for it. I might not understand it or like it, but in the mind of the person, there is a reason…so provide the benefit of the doubt that the intention is good and search for the reasons driven by a positive intent. First learn; then teach. There is always more than one option and, clearly, some options are better than others.

3. There are Four Cornerstones that everything depends upon – whether it is a trellis in the field or a relationship with a friend…there is a need for a cornerstone. It provides strength to push against or pull away from, direction and courage to act.

• Trust – do what you say you will do. Others depend upon the truthfulness of your words so they can leverage their own strengths with your words to make a difference.
• Respect – develop the skills/competencies to provide quality in whatever you do. Quality makes for a solid foundation. Stay away from the loose sand that the rogue wave will ravage and redistribute. Learn strong skills that make saying “yes” and saying “no” easy so whatever you choose to build is strong.
• Dignity – honor others; expect everyone to save face. “Right or wrong, good or bad” are not the drivers. Making yourself right by making someone else wrong is not a good thing. The key variable is much higher order and allows for dignity. “Is this decision or action appropriate based upon our values and the key variables?” It is about appropriate or inappropriate; not right or wrong. Leave others a Way Out With Dignity (W.O.W.D.) and truly collaborate as you compete.
• Integrity – Make sure beliefs and perceptions align with words and actions. If a building has structural integrity, it stands up. Not just one day, but every day. My words have to stand up every single day, not just when it is easy, but every single day. There is always something we can do – ask tough questions without judgment, be a truth teller when it is difficult, provide a nod of the head when someone is discouraged or create a W.O.W.D. when one is so badly needed.

4. There is a responsibility for Give-Back…everyone needs a little help at some time or another. No matter how much you have or don’t have, there is someone who would be grateful and appreciative of your give-back. Be the teacher, the coach, the shoulder to lean on, the smile, the compassionate truth teller – for it is easier and more satisfying to be a gift-giver that a gift-receiver. When you give away some of your light to light another’s candle, there is not less light but more light.

Some 50 years later, the basics are still the same. The move from the classroom to corporate did not change the bottom-line motivators:

1. People want to do good – a sense of efficacy.

2. People want to make a difference – a sense of generativity.

3. People want to be trusted.

4. People want to be respected

5. People want to experience personal dignity every single day.

The challenge that I see is where are leaders to learn these counter-intuitive skills? Most of us continue using the talents and skills that brought us this far….and now I am supposed to let go of those skills and depend upon new skills that are not developed? Yes, that is exactly right. It is not an accident that courage is the primary trait of leaders of change. The 21st century leader must move from an answer person and problem solver to a learner and teacher, and then, to a coach and mentor. Where are you on your journey? If your people continually come to you for answers, you are most likely are at the end of the scale that will lock you into past successes and hamper the creativity and intuition needed for future success. Is that where you want to be?

Here at the Effectiveness Institute, we have isolated six characteristics of high performing teams. If they are present, simply put, the team works. If even one is missing, the reality is you are not a team but a workgroup—a collection of people who share overhead in the pursuit of individual task accomplishment instead of being a team working to achieve a common purpose. What a huge difference! One “adds to” while the other drains passion and contributes to walking depression and cynical mistrust. Fortunately, not only can these characteristics be isolated, they can be measured.

1. High Level of Trust

Trust is the most basic building block of a team. Each member of the team needs to know that he/she can rely on the remaining team members. Clearly trust is earned, yet three variables must fall into place as the relationship progresses or trust will not emerge: Perceived authenticity, perceived integrity and a solid confidence that you care. If these variables are not attended to, then trust cannot evolve in the relationship. It will stay at “maybe I trust you and maybe I don’t.” Interestingly, trust is a chemistry or people issue, but it is developed based on how you do the task.

2. High Level of Respect

Respect is linked to the talents and skills that one demonstrates in accomplishing a given task. As an observer, I develop a “high regard” for your ability to get it done. As was the case with trust, respect is earned. Respect increases trust—it’s easier to feel confident (rely on) that another team member will get the job done right if you have a regard for their abilities. This causes less micromanaging and increases self-confidence of team members. Trust and respect are earned over time when people work on something together. How can I rely on you or have a regard for you if we never do anything together?

3. Commitment to a Clear/Common Purpose

All team members must agree on a clear purpose or goal, and then work together to achieve it. If a goal is clear but not common or common but not clear, there is little chance for team success. There is no room for vagueness or “us vs. them” mentality. The development of commitment, or buy-in, necessitates a willingness to challenge, discuss or disagree on any point or idea. The intent of these discussions is better solutions and a purposeful effort to avoid the pitfalls of groupthink or herd mentality.

4. Conflict Resolution

In any team or group, conflict is inevitable. That’s why every team member must be both willing and able to enter into and resolve conflict. Unfortunately, in our culture, resolving conflict has become almost counter-intuitive. The tendency is to either become aggressive or ignore. The reality is if issues are not brought to the surface and addressed, they go underground where they linger, fester and later reappear to impede progress toward the goal.

5. Focus on Measurable Results

Being an efficient team is a vehicle, not the goal. The goal is to focus on and achieve measurable results. Progress towards a meaningful goal is a great source of self-worth, and as results are produced and acknowledged, commitment increases, focus stays sharp and energy remains high. There is a significant difference between achieving—and checking off—measurable goals, and simply doing a lot of things.

6. Mutual Responsibility and Accountability

Everyone in the group must take responsibility and accountability for outcomes. It is not solely the boss’ job to hold people accountable, it’s everybody’s job. If we say we buy in, then we have a responsibility to ask for accountability when expectations are not met. If something does not get done, give team members the benefit of the doubt and ask for clarification. Leave others a “way out with dignity” (or trust and respect will be lost) by asking questions instead of making statements—“Can you help me understand what happened?” instead of “you said” or “you didn’t do” which blame and demean. The continual and persistent focus on creating clarity is the key to making teams work. Without clarity, accountability is not possible and without accountability, trust and respect simply cannot exist. Teams that work purposefully develop two skill sets and then depend heavily on them: 1) the willingness to resolve conflicts by addressing issues in real time 2) the constant focus on measurable results.

Remember, your competitors can and will copy what you do… but they cannot copy who you are. It is your people and their actions that distinguish your company from its competitors. It is your people that make teams work and give you the true competitive edge. It is your people—the heart and soul of your organization—that will keep you at the top. If you want to have a high performing team it is essential to build trust and respect and have solid team leadership.

Growing up in a large family on a farm was the best training for me. Taught me most of the skills that serve me today. Didn’t know that at the time, but it is true. Preparing the fields, planting, irrigating, driving a tractor while cultivating or plowing, milking the cows, feeding the horses, changing oil in a motor, learning to drive a 10 wheeler, backing a tractor with a piece of equipment around a corner, weeding the garden or harvesting a crop – all helped develop the necessary basic skills: planning, discipline, perseverance, caring, hard work, helping out, problem solving, following through, celebrating – and then resting and starting over again in the Spring. Life has seasons too!

Today, people would not call me a “teacher” in the traditional sense of the word, but I truly believe that no matter what you call it – consultant, trainer, facilitator – I am first and foremost a Teacher. I believe it to be a noble role…a good teacher can change lives.

At the Effectiveness Institute, I work each day to cause 5 motivators to be alive in every person. The fascinating discovery to me is these motivators are not goals to be set and achieved. They are the residual left over when people work together. More specifically: trust, respect, dignity, efficacy and generativity are a direct result of how we treat each other. It goes back to those long ago lessons learned on the farm – whether working in corporate America or private America, with big companies or small, with CEO’s or Olympic athletes; being clear with the agenda, persistent in the effort, focused on results and respectful in our interactions – allows each of us to be a difference maker.

This is a situation that may engender a lot of conflict, whether it is out in the open or not. You may have internal stress and tension when trying to reconcile the fact that your values differ yet you need to work together. (Or spend the holidays together.)

It’s helpful to step back and first consider: Is it in fact your values that are different or how your values are played out? Or do you hold the same value but prioritize it differently? Then search for where you have common ground. Find that common ground, appreciate that there is any, and remark upon it out loud – to yourself, to others, to the other party involved.

This is where change happens: when you give up resisting what you perceive to be against you and your values, and focus instead on where there is agreement, where there is no tension, and where there are commonalities. Start from there, and as you focus in on the common ground, build on it. Spend as much time thinking about those commonalities as you did the differences that irritated you. Then spend more time on it.

The common ground will grow, and if you acknowledge it, will start to include positive differences – differences that you can appreciate. You will find ways to communicate with that person from a new perspective, rather than from the perspective that causes you tension. Resistance only gives birth to continued resistance. If you focus only on the parts of someone that you dislike, even more examples and reasons to dislike the person will occur to you. There is no peace, no resolution from this perspective.

In People Skills we teach that if you push on someone’s behavior, they will naturally push back. If, however, you focus on changing perceptions and beliefs, behavior will change naturally. If your perceptions and beliefs about a person or situation are causing you stress and conflict, start with yourself. A change in your own perception or belief can dissolve or at the least, reduce, the resistance you feel about someone else. It will allow you to approach the person with a positive attitude, which will prevent the other party from getting defensive. And once you put someone on the defensive, all communication breaks down.

The next time you are faced with a dilemma or conflict over values, move toward common ground with that individual and your working relationship will become less work and more peaceful. What is most important is that you have appropriate skills in conflict resolution, communication and understanding different Behavior Styles.

Focus on what is causing the conflict, where you have common ground, and use your communication skills.