People Skills Archive

Getting Promoted

By
TomChampoux
Published: September 8, 2011Posted in: Leadership Development, People Skills, The Effectiveness InstituteTags: , , , , ,
Getting Promoted

Tom Champoux, president of Effectiveness Institute, explores the key characteristics of people who are often promoted. 

The reality is very clear – those who are capable, competent and likeable are the first to be promoted.  They are the men and women who have technical knowledge and expertise balanced with the appropriate people skills; the ability to have others willingly follow their lead.

Likeable is such a misunderstood word.  It is not being nice-nice or great at socializing or meeting the right people.  It doesn’t mean I can’t get frustrated or have a bad day.  Likeable means respectful treatment, honoring the dignity of others, not embarrassing them.  It means listening, taking time and giving credit.  It means avoiding the use of position power at almost all costs.  It requires vulnerability and the willingness to admit mistakes.  It means people are appreciative or happy when you walk into the room, not when you walk out of it.  I would like to work for that person….wouldn’t you?

The next group of “promote-ables” are those with technical expertise alone…and it is the promoting of these folks where the trouble begins.  Their two strengths are knowledge/expertise and position power…and it is the over-use of power that creates the problem.  I don’t think it is their intent to over-use position power.  It is the only way they know how to get others to act.  Respectful treatment and dignity are sacrificed to produce results and meet deadlines.  Producing results (so I can shine/be promoted), telling, being right and getting credit are primary drivers.  I don’t think I would like to work for this person….would you? I would be happy when they walked out of the room.

So here is the key:  make sure the word “likeable” is used by others to describe you.   Have you said these words: “that’s not what I meant.”  Those words signal that your intent and your impact do not align.  Trust and respect are now compromised, uncertainty and doubt emerge and your credibility suffers.  Intent and impact must align.  Listen, involve, ask, share, and appreciate those around you.

Effectiveness Institute offers training and professional development workshops and webinars in Seattle, WA.

How are Behavior Styles not stereotyping?

By
TomChampoux
Published: September 6, 2011Posted in: Ask Tom, People SkillsTags: , , , , ,

Behavior Styles is one of the core training principles taught by Tom Champoux and other Effectiveness Institute consultants.

Tom, how are Behavior Styles not stereotyping?

Great question and one we should all be concerned about.  None of us need another label for ourselves to box ourselves into a certain way of thinking and acting.  A Behavior Style is simply a description of a pattern of behaviors.  It is how we “behave” and it can be observed easily by others.  Do I talk fast or talk slow?  Is my tendency to ask questions or is it to make statements?  Is my emphasis to get it done or is my emphasis on how things get done ?  If I can recognize a pattern in myself and in the behavior of others, I can increase my credibility by flexing my behavior to meet another person’s needs.  I did not change who I am.  I changed what I do – my Behavior Style.

A label has one upside and several downsides.  The upside (which we should use and quickly discard): it organizes information into a pattern so we can internalize and understand it.   The downsides: I feel judged and stereotyped.  I feel locked in.  A label says I am only one pattern and I cannot change it.  That is closer to the description of a personality…rarely are those changed by making a choice.  We emphatically believe that any of us can make the choice to change our pattern (Behavior Style) whenever we choose to in order to be appropriate in a given environment.  This would lead to a discussion of Emotional Intelligence – the ability to demonstrate the appropriate behavior at the appropriate time to meet the appropriate needs of the environment and the people in the environment in real time.

Behavior Style is a pattern, but I am not locked into it.  We can always make the choice to change our behavior.  It may not be a comfortable choice, but it is still a choice.

Learn about behavior styles and behavior patterns at training workshops in Seattle, WA.

Male and Female Brains: Behavioral Differences at Work

By
TomChampoux
Published: July 11, 2011Posted in: Conflict Resolution, Leadership Development, People Skills, Team DevelopmentTags:
Male and Female Brains: Behavioral Differences at Work

“There are two ways to be fooled. One is to believe what isn’t true; the other is to refuse to believe what is true.”  ~ Soren Kierkegaard

One of the great things about advancing technology is that it helps us answer the WHY questions.  Without these answers, speculation that reinforces one’s beliefs abounds…whether the speculation is right or wrong isn’t the point – historically, a position of power or a person’s social class provided credibility.  Not anymore.

For the last three years, I have been impressed with the work of Dr. John Medina, (BrainRules, 2008) the brain researcher who gained worldwide credibility for his work and research in the field of neuroscience. Early on in our relationship, I would ask Dr. Medina questions and sometimes get a response of “I don’t know.”  The quizzical look on my face was answered with, “Oh, I can tell you the commonly held belief, but unless I can prove it in the lab, my answer is ‘I don’t know’.”  A scientist to the very core.

Proudly, we at Effectiveness Institute  have collaborated with Dr. Medina to produce a webinar highlighting the differences between male and female brains and the implications it has for organizations and leadership. Click here for a preview.  As you watch and listen, I wonder if the question in the opening quote is true: “Will you continue to believe what is not true or will you refuse to believe what is true?” Or, will you find new thinking that allows you to maximize the strengths of male and female brains, particularly in the world of business.  Enjoy the journey.

Frame of Reference REVISITED: A Father’s Love

By
TomChampoux
Published: September 28, 2010Posted in: People SkillsTags:

A couple of months back I wrote a blog entry about conflict (Conflict:  The First Step.  Move toward, not away) and the importance of  avoiding “fight or flight” and learning “to walk into conflict.”  A reader sent me a question regarding the importance of frame of reference when attempting to de-escalate conflict. Part of my response was:

“…It is always about frame of reference.  Through whose eyes are you looking?  If I only look through my eyes, my frame of reference, there is no question – “I’m right!” And that would be true since it is the only information I have.  It is also the surest way to be consumed by conflict…use only your own frame of reference and simply deny that anyone else’s frame of reference is valid …”

I want to expand my thoughts about the power of frame of reference and how it reveals character, depth and strength (and unconditional love in this case) by sharing a story about a father’s love in the face of the greatest tragedy – the loss of a child.

A few weeks ago a sad tragic accident took the life of an 11 year old girl here in the Northwest.  Her father’s response reveals the power of frame of reference. The choice made by John Tam, and the frame of reference he used when interviewed after the loss of his little girl, Grace, will not reduce the sadness nor eliminate the pain….but a different reality created by his choice will carry Grace Tam’s memory forward and allow her family to begin the arduous journey of life without her.

The Northwest is absolutely beautiful country with mountains, trees, high meadows and glorious vistas.  On July 31, 2010, John Tam and his family and friends hiked up into the mountains just a little North of Seattle to visit the ice caves that are formed from snow melt that runs down the mountain.  While standing in front of the caves for a group picture, a large chunk of ice “the size of a Volkswagen bus” broke loose above the party and rolled over Grace.  Fellow hikers (including three nurses), a ranger and rescue personnel worked vainly to save her.

I remember the sadness and grief I felt for the family when I heard about it on the evening news.  Then I read an article about the incident (see Seattle Times, Aug 4. “Dad mourns ‘Pride and Joy’) and I was struck by the inner strength and deep love in the frame of reference Mr. Tam took.  He easily could have taken the pathway of anger, blame or remorse.  He did not.  When talking about his daughter, he chose a higher pathway, a positive frame of reference:  “…She is our pride and joy, a most thoughtful child.  But we do not want to have a memorial service.  We want to celebrate her joyful moments and the happy life she had.”  Clearly a prayer or moment of silent support for the family of Grace Tam is in order.

Mr. Tam’s perspective, how he chose to frame this terrible loss, is absolutely inspiring and hopefully will bring the comforting gift of peace very quickly to his family.  From one father to another father…I am sorry for your loss.  Thank you for the role model of how to control your thinking in the face of undeniable sadness and may you begin the healing process warmed by the happy memories of Grace, your “Pride and Joy.”

Aaahh … that is what balance means?

By
TomChampoux
Published: June 23, 2010Posted in: People SkillsTags: , , , , , , ,

Balancing task and people is one of the foundational training principles taught to individuals and organizations to improve professional relationships, workplace productivity and strengthen teams that work.

Remember when you were just a little person and you wanted to learn to ride a bike?  It sure looked easier than it turned out to be.  Whether it was training wheels, mom or dad running along beside you with a steadying hand or just sheer endurance, until you discovered “balance”, riding a bike had some pain and tears involved.  But once you got it, you got it.  Haven’t been on a bike in years, but can still ride one.

In the same manner, each of us has two sets of skills to master – getting the task done and effectively connecting with others without the use of power.  What good is it if I am technically or task brilliant, but I can’t get along with anybody?  On the other hand, how useful am I if I can get along with everybody, but I can’t do anything?  It is about balance.

In my 30+ years of teaching and coaching, I can tell you this – we have a shortage of folks who have the task/people balance…and the price tag is high when it is missing.   Of course we situationally need people who are out of balance – if my computer is not working, I want someone who can fix it. How friendly they are is not really important at the moment.   If I want someone to host a meeting and make sure it runs smoothly, feathers are not ruffled, and the agenda is accomplished, I am not sure I want the brilliant tech who can fix my computer but is deficient on intuitively connecting with people.

Balance.  It is so important.  We know that intellectually, but all too frequently we are willing to sacrifice one for the other.  How about the brilliant chef who creates exquisite dishes but no one will work with them in the back of the house because he/she treats people as if they were tools to be used? Because of their expertise that continually draws in customers, there is a hesitancy to hold him/her accountable for rude or demeaning behavior.

Three quick questions for you:

  1. How balanced are you?
  2. How do you know that?
  3. What is your plan for increasing balance in your life?

The ability to balance task and people in the workplace is a foundational principle taught by Tom Champoux in all Effectiveness Institute management training programs.

How to Restore Personal Peacefulness

By
TomChampoux
Published: January 9, 2010Posted in: People SkillsTags: , , , , ,

In a recent People Skills class, a participant asked, “How can you work with someone if your values don’t match theirs?” Behavior Styles, Behavior Patterns, and Personality Types are never going to match someone else, thus creating the potential for conflict.

This is a situation that may engender a lot of conflict, whether it is out in the open or not. You may have internal stress and tension when trying to reconcile the fact that your values differ yet you need to work together. (Or spend the holidays together.)

It’s helpful to step back and first consider: Is it in fact your values that are different or how your values are played out? Or do you hold the same value but prioritize it differently? Then search for where you have common ground. Find that common ground, appreciate that there is any, and remark upon it out loud – to yourself, to others, to the other party involved.

This is where change happens: when you give up resisting what you perceive to be against you and your values, and focus instead on where there is agreement, where there is no tension, and where there are commonalities. Start from there, and as you focus in on the common ground, build on it. Spend as much time thinking about those commonalities as you did the differences that irritated you. Then spend more time on it.

The common ground will grow, and if you acknowledge it, will start to include positive differences – differences that you can appreciate. You will find ways to communicate with that person from a new perspective, rather than from the perspective that causes you tension. Resistance only gives birth to continued resistance. If you focus only on the parts of someone that you dislike, even more examples and reasons to dislike the person will occur to you. There is no peace, no resolution from this perspective.

In People Skills we teach that if you push on someone’s behavior, they will naturally push back. If, however, you focus on changing perceptions and beliefs, behavior will change naturally. If your perceptions and beliefs about a person or situation are causing you stress and conflict, start with yourself. A change in your own perception or belief can dissolve or at the least, reduce, the resistance you feel about someone else. It will allow you to approach the person with a positive attitude, which will prevent the other party from getting defensive. And once you put someone on the defensive, all communication breaks down.

The next time you are faced with a dilemma or conflict over values, move toward common ground with that individual and your working relationship will become less work and more peaceful. What is most important is that you have appropriate skills in conflict resolution, communication and understanding different Behavior Styles.

Focus on what is causing the conflict, where you have common ground, and use your communication skills.